Jamie Greene

If you were ever to find yourself at the cliff’s edge on a foggy day, so thick you could barely see your hand in front of your face, and you realized that your next step would plunge you on to the rocks below – and in the next instant the fog cleared… wouldn’t you instantly know what action to take?

Maybe you’ve become confused or disenchanted by the empty promises of spiritual pathways, eager to change your life circumstance, plagued by fear and regret of missed opportunities or at a crossroads in your life and unsure which fork to take.

As your personal coach, I am available to do one-on-one private sessions and serve as your personal guide to help you make courageous decisions and changes in your life.

When the fog clears, we see vistas and landscapes that purge any fear, doubt, confusion or hesitation

If you feel the fog closing in around you and you’re ready to move away from the cliff’s edge, I honor you for your bravery to open your heart and mind to the landscape about to be revealed to you.

Remember, it was there all along… cloaked in fog.

Off The Couch Consulting, Inc.

To set up a one-on-one private coaching session in person or by phone, please contact me at: jamie@jamiegreene.la

You can also leave me a confidential voice message on (310) 906 0116

Clearing The Fog by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

As we bring in 2012 and await the Mayan version of Y2K, I thought a pertinent theme to start the year to be that of warnings and cautions!

For many years, one of my areas of specialty has been anxiety disorders. I have spent over two decades educating clients and students alike on the ins and outs of the signals and triggers of anxiety. I’ve found that through education and practical explanation, many of the common daily symptoms of generalized anxiety subside by demystifying the mischievous miscreant of the mind.

I explain that anxiety is merely a signal of conflict lurking beneath the surface, insistently tapping on the door of our psyche, demanding to be acknowledged. The more we turn him away, the louder his knocks and the more frequent and intrusive his visits…

Be warned that eventually he’ll pound the door down with a heart-racing panic and likely over stay his welcome!

Prevention or Reparation?
I have always reminded my clients that the key to a crisis-free life is prevention. (After all, there’s a reason we clear fire roads before fire season). That means paying attention to the signals and cautionary warnings when conflict is afoot. However, it requires self-awareness, presence and a pinch of self-control to heed the warnings life offers us…

Much like the warning lights on a car dashboard, our essential task is to pay attention immediately and take every sign as a helpful hint for some necessary trouble shooting.

No one should presume the oil isn’t running low or the check engine light faulty just because you don’t hear a knocking sound under the hood and no steam spewing from the radiator!

Warning Signs
It might be a raging temper, a nasty outbreak of hives or a panic attack that unceremoniously sends you to the ER… no matter what your conflict - it’s all preventable!

It’s merely a matter of knowing thyself. Like developing the tolerance to manage agitation before it swells into a storming gale of rage. The patience to quietly listen to your partner as they mirror your misgivings and foibles, or risk the wrath of their frustrated outburst. Their curt retorts are but flashing lights on the marital dashboard!

Mirror-Signal-Maneuver
Learning to drive in England in the late 70′s, I will never forget my strict instructor’s admonishment to first check the mirror, then make my signal and only when safe, make my move. How profound that so many of life’s challenges and conflicts might be addressed through this sacred sequence…

So here’s my 3-step instruction for those of you behind the wheel of life’s strife:

1. When conflict strikes – first look in the mirror. What is being triggered deep inside that has you so upset, hurt or agitated?

2. What are the signals of conflict that you’ve been overlooking that demand your attention and care? Go there first. Be willing to look under your own hood and be prepared for grime and debris awaiting you.

3. Once you’ve safely regained control of the wheel, move gently into traffic, but keep to your own lane!

If you’re willing to follow these 3 steps to an accountable self, there is no fight, disagreement or misunderstanding that can derail you.

It also couldn’t hurt to pay attention to the way you’re driving… just saying!

A Cautionary Tale by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

I recently had the privilege of teaching undergraduate scholarship students at USC in one of my flagship coaching courses known as “Mastering The Competitive Edge”.

Through generous donations made by the Latino Alumni Association (LAA) of USC, many of these young Latinos have been given the opportunity to become the first generation in their families to attend University and become true leaders in their communities.

Of the thousands of students I’ve been blessed to facilitate over the years, these scholars touched me with their self-awareness, ambition, humility and desire to make a real difference.

My mission was to prepare them for life beyond academics, fraternity rushing and Trojan rallies. To provide them with life skills and augment their tool kits, so they’d be ready to tackle the workforce by storm. My sense is that if there is to be a demographic to defy the statistics of unemployment and reduce the 1 trillion dollars in outstanding student loans in the US, this would be them!

Close To The Edge…

Initiators
One of the key principles of leadership that we all need to be reminded of is taking initiative. In the spirit of connecting to our competitive edge, Initiators know what they want and how to recognize opportunities to achieve it. They push themselves into action the moment their mind is made up! Don’t delay - it only takes the smallest crack of self-doubt to create a massive crevice of indecision and malaise.

Risk-Takers
Initiators know the importance of being willing to make mistakes and keep moving. It’s not that they don’t have fears, they just keep moving! The willingness to risk is always knowing there is another challenge around the corner.

What is the cost of not risking?
There’s a simple adage; wherever you go, there you are! If you don’t want your next year to look and feel the way your life does today, then step up and create an action plan for change.

Here is a reminder of the 4 simple steps to create change:

1. Write down an action step you are committed to and connect with a friend/partner you will be accountable to.

2. Write down every excuse – all the stuff you know you’ll allow to get in the way from taking action when push comes to shove.

3. Find a way to dismiss each excuse by finding a solution to overcome it.

4. Don’t leave yourself any reasons to quit.

 Knock, Knock…

Opportunists
Opportunity doesn’t come to the door knocking… you’ve got to go out and knock on doors yourself to make your dreams happen!

This is where my Latino scholars come in. These inspiring souls recognized their own potential and took stock in their assets, talents and resources. We can all follow their example of appreciating our unique gifts or services and tap into those “unreached” clients and customers who crave what we have to offer.

Remember, they can’t find you if you don’t go looking for them…

Knock loudly; you better make sure they can hear you over their celebrations that you finally stepped up!

Opportunity Knocks by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

The “battle of the sexes” would appear to be alive and thriving in our homes, businesses and communities. I use the term battle loosely as I believe there to be a big misconception about the function and purpose of conflict between men and women.

How Dare You…

Many of the men I coach express frustration at the endless testing they receive from their wives or girlfriends and even become insulted that the tests do not stop. Well, it’s no wonder they are further aggravated to learn from me that the tests are not supposed to stop! Mmmm.

It’s an important re-frame and perspective shift I give men and I feel it would be helpful to clue the ladies in on exactly why we welcome your tests.

Picture a wintry scene with the first snow fall covering the ground and a small pond frozen over at the end of the garden. Your small children excitedly run to try their best figure of eights, but you grab them by the scruff of the neck and urgently yell “Hold on there kids – not so fast!!”

As their paternal protector, you grab the largest stick you can find and hit the surface of the frozen pond to make sure the ice is solid enough to bare the weight of your precious kids. You test the surface several times before you feel confident that it’s safe for them to play. Then, and only then, do you get to enjoy the squeals of joy as they skate their wintry days away.

But, as the advent of Spring draws closer, you sense it’s time to check on that icy surface for fear the conditions may change. So, for the well being and protection of your family’s safety, you look for that stick and continually re-assess the ice, knowing that one day, it may not be safe for them to skate on the pond.

Rite of Safe Passage

Let me ask you men, at any time in our wintry scene does the ice become insulted??
You see, the purpose for testing the ice was to ensure the ongoing safety of the kids.

In the very same way, a woman will continue to test her man to ensure the well being and safety of her relationship and to make sure she is on solid ground with him.

As men, we should be flattered and honored that she looks for us to be her rock, knowing that we are the ones who provide that safety in the relationship. No harm, no foul.

This is merely one of the many ways that conflict strengthens us and brings us closer together. But remember the following:

Ladies – make sure you know why you’re testing him... There’s no snow in summer!

Gents – make sure you pass her tests!

Icy Conditions Ahead by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

USC MAAA presents a new 2-part seminar series with Jamie Greene on The Art of Negotiation.

Learn ways to embrace challenges in the workplace and overcome any fears of confrontation and conflict. You will discover the most essential quality of a good negotiator and learn techniques that you can take home with you and implement immediately.

Topics include:

The 10 Basics of Negotiating
Conflict Resolution with Challenging Personalities
Managerial Courage
C-P-R Technology (Context-Purpose-Results)
Managers vs. Leaders

Date: Thursday, August 12th & 19th 2010
Time: 7:00pm -9:00pm
Location: USC Mark Taper Hall (THH) 116

Please call USC MAAA office (213) 740 4735

Beware your inner Saboteur: he’s that little bugger who will pull your own rug out, just as you take your final step of the victory lap.

It doesn’t make sense, right? The stunning Super Model who has the world in the palm of her hand while she destroys herself with bulimia and a string of abusive boyfriends. The entrepreneur who throws away millions in a reckless wager in Vegas.

How about the recovering alcoholic with 20 years sobriety under his belt who relapses at his 20 year high school reunion?

They all have one thing in common… sabotage!

The origin of the word comes from ‘sabot‘, a 17th Century french shoe worn by peasants who would throw them into the gears of machines to willfully destroy them. Sounds like a Provincial version of throwing the toys out of the pram!

Of course, we’ve become more discreet in our destruction these days: Failed diets, blowing the retirement money, playing hooky, flirting with the waitress in front of the wife or rejecting the only partner who could actually make a commitment! These are all classic maneuvers of our hidden inner Saboteur.

The intention… to convince us we just don’t deserve.

For all the strife and angst we agonize over, sometimes we’d rather pitifully hold on to our familiar failings than risk braving change and accomplishment (See Fear of Success) . But what about those of us who are willing to compete for our success… why might we also ‘shoot ourselves in the foot?’

Quite simply, sabotage is a mechanism we employ to keep from crossing the finish line.

Like avoiding the completion of a gripping novel or the anti-climactic end to a wedding party, we just want more! What better way to prolong the vacation than last-minute packing and missing the plane? Genius in its unconscious inception but not the most direct approach to avoid going back to work.

So close and yet, so far.

You’ve probably heard the classic one about the wild stag night, where the promise of a committed relationship is often destroyed by the Saboteur’s need to experience a few more nights of bachelorhood!

Are we aware of this self-destructive mechanism within us? Can we do anything to stop ourselves from sabotage, despite our fully recognizing the negative consequences?

That’s up to you… What are you willing to give up?

No more escape routes or ‘extenuating circumstances’. No caveats, no grace periods, learning curves or ignorance of the law. Not another scapegoat or naïve bystander. No blind spots, black-outs or dissociating.

None of these slogans will work any longer: I can’t believe that came out of my mouth! You only hurt the ones you love! What was I thinking? I can’t help myself. Do as I say, not as I do. And the best… I said I’m sorry!

If you can give up all of these justifications for sabotage, you might just conquer self-defeat.

After all, who else is running your show?

Beware The Saboteur by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

Wishing your good mood would last forever is a bit like keeping your favorite haircut at the ‘ideal length’ without it ever growing out!

You see our moods are designed to change constantly, just as hunger is sure to return following the most satisfying meal. It’s just a matter of time, and the challenge is how you handle it.

Why are we subject to such fluidity of emotions?

It’s not important. Don’t worry about it! You see, you can’t stop your thoughts, can you? Well, guess where your moods originate… unconscious thinking!

I know, it’s a cheeky paradox, but it’s the truth. Your moods, feelings and emotions all stem from thoughts flying through your head at any given moment; some you are aware of and most you are not. Just as a seed must always precede the fruit, there is a crucial step in-between. Let’s call it the ‘trunk.’

If the seed represents our thoughts, the trunk represents our moods or emotions and the fruit is the manifestation of our actions, then it’s clear that the sequence must always follow thoughts-feelings-actions. In the same way that in nature the trunk cannot exist before the seed, our moods therefore stem from our thoughts, beliefs and interpretations.

If you want to have a better grasp of your moods, pay close attention to what’s going on in your head…

If it was really as simple as waking up on the wrong side of the bed, we would have switched sides and started the day over, right? You’ll find that those anxious worries and prior unresolved conflicts are responsible for causing the bad mood in the morning.

And don’t expect your feelings to change with a vanilla latte, chocolate croissant or a Marlboro lite! Only by addressing the conflict that is evoking the thoughts that trigger your moods will you shift how you are feeling and responding.

Pay close attention how to control yourself once you are triggered (see High Anxiety: Mea Culpa). Your goal should be that your moods and attitudes become ‘bulletproof.’ That means that no matter how unreasonable or unfair the circumstance you find yourself facing, NOTHING justifies a raging outburst or verbal assault. It will only be YOU who takes the hit.

Remember, we are operating under the sequence of cause-and-effect in this world, so blame and abdicating personal responsibility for the way you feel and behave will just keep you in a lousy mood!

So, the only thing you can do about it is how you handle you about it!

Swing Shift by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.