Jamie Greene

With the disheartening statistics of divorce in mind, I took it upon myself to find out what men and women really look for as essential qualities for true lasting connection... The results are as old fashioned as apple pie!

     Honest Eyes                         Unconditional Support

With a little help from my facebook Friends…

For the purpose of exploring real desires of men and women, I gathered the responses of  75 women and 60 men from two different questions: (I changed the question for the men since they tend to focus on physical qualities rather than on deeper needs)

Ladies: What is the most essential quality you look for in a man?

Their responses covered over 20 different qualities with the 2 most popular qualities being INTEGRITY and FUNNY.

Yes, ladies, it seems that if a bloke has a good enough sense of humor and makes you laugh, (while not taking himself too seriously) you’ll forgive him, even if he’s acting like a stubborn selfish jerk! If he happens to have kind eyes and opens the door for you, that might well be grounds for some Monday Night Football with the fellas.

It would appear that if he knows who he is and is authentic and loyal, you’ll cut him some slack when he struggles to express himself. If he has a confident masculine edge and is honorable and shows you respect, you’ll even overlook his pride as you tell him “I told you so…” (although he loves the fact that you’re always right, it’s still hard for him to admit it).

But above all, as one young lady stated quite eloquently, “…having a great sense of humor weeds out a lot of unattractive character flaws”. While another optimistic spouse of 20 years declared, “When all else fails you can always use a laugh!”

Gents: What do you most need from a woman in a relationship?

The mens’ responses covered 10 different qualities and several different body types!
Assuming we can disregard the Maxim cover girl with a law degree and Cordon Bleu training, that leaves us with the top 2 qualities being UNCONDITIONALLY ACCEPTING and LOVING.

So, for the men, it really just might be true that if you always have his back and allow him to be the man he always wanted to be, there is a good chance that he might be more present for you and look you in the eyes for a few moments longer.

Should you allow him his freedom to express himself on his own terms, there’s every indication that he might indulge you in one of those quiet nights in. Better yet, as one of my dear colleagues requested, “…if she can both appreciate all that I am right now — and push me lovingly to be better still,” I think you might well hit the jackpot – an emotionally-available man with a big vision and a true leader!

One thing seems to have emerged over the past few decades; we seem to have become pickier in our choice of partners, yet rather conditional in our commitment.

Based on many of the responses, this phenomenon appears to be equally true for my gay friends.

Which leaves me curious about how our parents and grandparents, (many of whom mastered the art of lasting commitment in long term marriage) were able to figure all this out with a modicum of fuss and drama.

Was it a deeper level of commitment to their wedding vows? Did they simply believe that love conquers all? Was it merely less bombardment of choices in the media and social-sexual awareness? Were they even happier just because they stayed together or did they just “tough it out”?

I suppose we could ask them, if we could only get them on facebook!

*I would love to hear from you with any stories you have from your parents or grandparents as to how they made it work.*

Maybe it’s as simple as fun-loving unconditional acceptance and integrity, or is it just a sign of the times?

Til Stress Do Us Part! by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

As many of you know, one of my passions is the work I do with men. To witness the transformation of an often “broken” man who is struggling with self-doubt and poor relationship skills is one of the most rewarding and personally satisfying successes I am blessed to be part of.

To that end, I recently led and co-produced an event called the SouthWest Men’s Conference in West Los Angeles for 60 men.

I have included this press release, although retrospectively, as I would like you all to know what we are up to in the current Men’s Movement.

I will also be co-leading The Man Event II in San Diego on August 6th.
Please see the details below and send us your men!

Prime Time Reality Show Star Makes Local Appearance to Guide Men on Path of Success…

Los Angeles – Jamie Greene, 20-year therapist, leadership trainer and star life coach on this season’s “The Bachelor” on ABC, has a tip for men striving for success in their lives and their relationships.

First things first – be grateful if your woman ever challenges you or pushes your buttons. That’s right. Says Greene, “I like teaching men how they should be flattered when their women test them rather than be insulted.”

Other tips provided for men by Greene:

§  Men need the company of other men in their lives in order to maintain a masculine edge, supporting each other to take their game to the next level.

§  Men require a reflection of other men to show them how they are really showing up in their life.

§  With the right teamwork on a Men’s “Team,” men can release their frustration, anxiety and stress so they don’t take those harmful emotions home with them.

§  Women can benefit having their men be in camaraderie with other men since men can become more driven and focused, emotionally available, pleasant to be around, and more appreciative of the women in their lives.

Such thought-provoking, mind-expanding education will be part of a presentation at the SouthWest Men’s Conference, 9 – 2 p.m., Saturday, July 23, 2011, at the LAFT Training Facility in Los Angeles. http://www.southwestmensconference.com

An expected gathering of 60 men will be witness to five speakers focusing on various issues that face men today, among them:

The Power of Commitment, Holding a Powerful Context, Success in Career, and Greene’s specialty, “The Most Powerful Approach in Relating To Women.”

In 2005, Greene was cast as a real-life marriage therapist in the FOX show “Marriage 911” and helped to save a marriage on the rocks in just one week. The couple is still thriving years later.

Jamie has been involved with men’s groups since 1996 and has successfully led, trained and mentored other men in becoming leaders in their own right. Jamie was most recently featured as a life coach to Brad Womack on Season 15 of “The Bachelor.”

Greene says what he did on the show was what can be appreciated at the conference – coach a man to learn how to recognize his own masculine strength of power and trust himself so he can be real and present with his woman.

Regarding the conference, Greene says, “Men will get an incredible sense of camaraderie, understanding, acceptance and a recognition that, as men, we are fundamentally battling the same demons, and there is a tremendous amount of wisdom available to show them another way to approach those challenges.”

Jamie can next be seen delivering his insights on men and women at:

The Man Event II
9 – 2 p.m., Saturday, August 6th, 2011 at Salvation Army Citadel Gymnasium, 4170 Balboa Avenue, San Diego CA 92117

For a radio interview with more explanation of some of the wisdom we share with men, please click here:
www.blogtalkradio.com/scorpion-equinox-/2011/07/20/guests-jamie-greene-and-chris-christopher

Honor a great man in your life. Support a man who needs the help of a circle of men and send him to The Man Event!

A Few Great Men! by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

The “battle of the sexes” would appear to be alive and thriving in our homes, businesses and communities. I use the term battle loosely as I believe there to be a big misconception about the function and purpose of conflict between men and women.

How Dare You…

Many of the men I coach express frustration at the endless testing they receive from their wives or girlfriends and even become insulted that the tests do not stop. Well, it’s no wonder they are further aggravated to learn from me that the tests are not supposed to stop! Mmmm.

It’s an important re-frame and perspective shift I give men and I feel it would be helpful to clue the ladies in on exactly why we welcome your tests.

Picture a wintry scene with the first snow fall covering the ground and a small pond frozen over at the end of the garden. Your small children excitedly run to try their best figure of eights, but you grab them by the scruff of the neck and urgently yell “Hold on there kids – not so fast!!”

As their paternal protector, you grab the largest stick you can find and hit the surface of the frozen pond to make sure the ice is solid enough to bare the weight of your precious kids. You test the surface several times before you feel confident that it’s safe for them to play. Then, and only then, do you get to enjoy the squeals of joy as they skate their wintry days away.

But, as the advent of Spring draws closer, you sense it’s time to check on that icy surface for fear the conditions may change. So, for the well being and protection of your family’s safety, you look for that stick and continually re-assess the ice, knowing that one day, it may not be safe for them to skate on the pond.

Rite of Safe Passage

Let me ask you men, at any time in our wintry scene does the ice become insulted??
You see, the purpose for testing the ice was to ensure the ongoing safety of the kids.

In the very same way, a woman will continue to test her man to ensure the well being and safety of her relationship and to make sure she is on solid ground with him.

As men, we should be flattered and honored that she looks for us to be her rock, knowing that we are the ones who provide that safety in the relationship. No harm, no foul.

This is merely one of the many ways that conflict strengthens us and brings us closer together. But remember the following:

Ladies – make sure you know why you’re testing him... There’s no snow in summer!

Gents – make sure you pass her tests!

Icy Conditions Ahead by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

Ever feel like a damsel in distress lying in wait for your knight only for him to be too busy shining his armor? Have I got some tips for all of you choosing unavailable men…

It must be the most consistent trait I see in virtually every woman I have counseled; choosing Sir Lacks-a-lot!

(As you’ll soon see, this phenomenon equally applies to many of my gay friends)

It’s as if there’s some kind of medieval dormant gene in your psyche that summons forth the Barren Knight to awaken. Of course, you don’t see this most elusive hidden quality in yourselves, let alone your suitors, but you’ll agree that it’s a self-defeating pattern that always ends in tears.

Let’s understand this nasty ancient curse.

An honest fair maiden eagerly awaits her soul mate to sweep her off her feet and over the threshold, only to discover that her knight is merely passing through, en route to his next joust. So many gauntlets… but few hands that fit. You would have thought that his iron-clad armor was enough of a clue that he wouldn’t be too inwardly mobile.

By that I mean that unavailable men do not introspect! For in order for them to look inside themselves, they would have to ask for assistance to remove their armor and therein lies the root of your curse…

There are essential clues that you need to recognize in an unavailable man.

First and foremost, there is a reason he wears an iron suit. Nothing is getting through that wall, least of all you! ‘Tis brave a man who can remove his mask and look deep within his soul’s yearning. Um, sorry that is not your man.

You will also recognize him by his frugality of purse (he’s cheap!) and it’s no consolation seeing his generous potential if it will take him a lifetime to spend it. Remember… generous of heart, plentiful in love; benevolent in spirit, abundant in his spiritual growth. But, iron clad in his proclamations, ample chagrin for a damsel’s needs.

More clues…

Pay attention to the way he talks about women, all women. Mothers, sisters, ex-wives, bosses, girlfriends, co-workers, the lot. He will soon be talking about you the same way. How might that sound?

Getting dismayed yet?

Then there’s the matter of manners. Does he have a code of honor he lives by? Does he open your doors, pull out your chair, walk behind you and return your calls promptly? Well, 3 out of 4 ‘aint bad!

There is another way to choose your man wisely. Check the quality of his raw materials! That may sound vulgar, but I’m referring to his core qualities and values that make him the man he is.

You wouldn’t build your dream home from rotten wood, cracked beams and flimsy tiles, so why settle for less than ‘Grade A’ quality man stuff! You need to see that his integrity is consistent, that his deeds match his words, his honor lies in tact and his reputation is first class among his peers.

Never met his fellow knights and elders or notice he’s become distant and aloof? Sure, give him his SPACE so he can work through how much he loves you,  just not that in love with you! (Brutal)

If you’re honest with your ‘man choice’, how much of these qualities did you check before you plunged into commitment escrow?

Be not dismayed and have faith in this… In every curse there lies a blessing.

An opportunity to look deep into your soul, and ask earnestly if it is the knight who disappoints, or the maiden who deceives herself?

Who is cursed… the rusty knight or the damsel distressed?

Will this riddle be solved by he who pursues or who peruses the clues?

Curse of The Unavailable Man (A Knight To Forget!) by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.