Feb 1 2012

Clearing The Fog

If you were ever to find yourself at the cliff’s edge on a foggy day, so thick you could barely see your hand in front of your face, and you realized that your next step would plunge you on to the rocks below – and in the next instant the fog cleared… wouldn’t you instantly know what action to take?

 

Maybe you’ve become confused or disenchanted by the empty promises of spiritual pathways, eager to change your life circumstance, plagued by fear and regret of missed opportunities or at a crossroads in your life and unsure which fork to take.

As your personal coach, I am available to do one-on-one private sessions and serve as your personal guide to help you make courageous decisions and changes in your life.

When the fog clears, we see vistas and landscapes that purge any fear, doubt, confusion or hesitation

If you feel the fog closing in around you and you’re ready to move away from the cliff’s edge, I honor you for your bravery to open your heart and mind to the landscape about to be revealed to you.

Remember, it was there all along… cloaked in fog.

Off The Couch Consulting, Inc.

To set up a one-on-one private coaching session in person or by phone, please contact me at: jamie@jamiegreene.la

You can also leave me a confidential voice message on (310) 906 0116

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Clearing The Fog by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Oct 27 2011

Opportunity Knocks

I recently had the privilege of teaching undergraduate scholarship students at USC in one of my flagship coaching courses known as “Mastering The Competitive Edge”.

Through generous donations made by the Latino Alumni Association (LAA) of USC, many of these young Latinos have been given the opportunity to become the first generation in their families to attend University and become true leaders in their communities.

Of the thousands of students I’ve been blessed to facilitate over the years, these scholars touched me with their self-awareness, ambition, humility and desire to make a real difference.

My mission was to prepare them for life beyond academics, fraternity rushing and Trojan rallies. To provide them with life skills and augment their tool kits, so they’d be ready to tackle the workforce by storm. My sense is that if there is to be a demographic to defy the statistics of unemployment and reduce the 1 trillion dollars in outstanding student loans in the US, this would be them!

Close To The Edge…

Initiators
One of the key principles of leadership that we all need to be reminded of is taking initiative. In the spirit of connecting to our competitive edge, Initiators know what they want and how to recognize opportunities to achieve it. They push themselves into action the moment their mind is made up! Don’t delay - it only takes the smallest crack of self-doubt to create a massive crevice of indecision and malaise.

Risk-Takers
Initiators know the importance of being willing to make mistakes and keep moving. It’s not that they don’t have fears, they just keep moving! The willingness to risk is always knowing there is another challenge around the corner.

What is the cost of not risking?
There’s a simple adage; wherever you go, there you are! If you don’t want your next year to look and feel the way your life does today, then step up and create an action plan for change.

Here is a reminder of the 4 simple steps to create change:

1. Write down an action step you are committed to and connect with a friend/partner you will be accountable to.

2. Write down every excuse – all the stuff you know you’ll allow to get in the way from taking action when push comes to shove.

3. Find a way to dismiss each excuse by finding a solution to overcome it.

4. Don’t leave yourself any reasons to quit.

 Knock, Knock…

Opportunists
Opportunity doesn’t come to the door knocking… you’ve got to go out and knock on doors yourself to make your dreams happen!

This is where my Latino scholars come in. These inspiring souls recognized their own potential and took stock in their assets, talents and resources. We can all follow their example of appreciating our unique gifts or services and tap into those “unreached” clients and customers who crave what we have to offer.

Remember, they can’t find you if you don’t go looking for them…

Knock loudly; you better make sure they can hear you over their celebrations that you finally stepped up!

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Opportunity Knocks by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Jul 30 2011

A Few Great Men!

As many of you know, one of my passions is the work I do with men. To witness the transformation of an often “broken” man who is struggling with self-doubt and poor relationship skills is one of the most rewarding and personally satisfying successes I am blessed to be part of.

To that end, I recently led and co-produced an event called the SouthWest Men’s Conference in West Los Angeles for 60 men.

I have included this press release, although retrospectively, as I would like you all to know what we are up to in the current Men’s Movement.

I will also be co-leading The Man Event II in San Diego on August 6th.
Please see the details below and send us your men!

Prime Time Reality Show Star Makes Local Appearance to Guide Men on Path of Success…

Los Angeles – Jamie Greene, 20-year therapist, leadership trainer and star life coach on this season’s “The Bachelor” on ABC, has a tip for men striving for success in their lives and their relationships.

First things first – be grateful if your woman ever challenges you or pushes your buttons. That’s right. Says Greene, “I like teaching men how they should be flattered when their women test them rather than be insulted.”

Other tips provided for men by Greene:

§  Men need the company of other men in their lives in order to maintain a masculine edge, supporting each other to take their game to the next level.

§  Men require a reflection of other men to show them how they are really showing up in their life.

§  With the right teamwork on a Men’s “Team,” men can release their frustration, anxiety and stress so they don’t take those harmful emotions home with them.

§  Women can benefit having their men be in camaraderie with other men since men can become more driven and focused, emotionally available, pleasant to be around, and more appreciative of the women in their lives.

Such thought-provoking, mind-expanding education will be part of a presentation at the SouthWest Men’s Conference, 9 – 2 p.m., Saturday, July 23, 2011, at the LAFT Training Facility in Los Angeles. http://www.southwestmensconference.com

An expected gathering of 60 men will be witness to five speakers focusing on various issues that face men today, among them:

The Power of Commitment, Holding a Powerful Context, Success in Career, and Greene’s specialty, “The Most Powerful Approach in Relating To Women.”

In 2005, Greene was cast as a real-life marriage therapist in the FOX show “Marriage 911” and helped to save a marriage on the rocks in just one week. The couple is still thriving years later.

Jamie has been involved with men’s groups since 1996 and has successfully led, trained and mentored other men in becoming leaders in their own right. Jamie was most recently featured as a life coach to Brad Womack on Season 15 of “The Bachelor.”

Greene says what he did on the show was what can be appreciated at the conference – coach a man to learn how to recognize his own masculine strength of power and trust himself so he can be real and present with his woman.

Regarding the conference, Greene says, “Men will get an incredible sense of camaraderie, understanding, acceptance and a recognition that, as men, we are fundamentally battling the same demons, and there is a tremendous amount of wisdom available to show them another way to approach those challenges.”

Jamie can next be seen delivering his insights on men and women at:

The Man Event II
9 – 2 p.m., Saturday, August 6th, 2011 at Salvation Army Citadel Gymnasium, 4170 Balboa Avenue, San Diego CA 92117

For a radio interview with more explanation of some of the wisdom we share with men, please click here:
www.blogtalkradio.com/scorpion-equinox-/2011/07/20/guests-jamie-greene-and-chris-christopher

Honor a great man in your life. Support a man who needs the help of a circle of men and send him to The Man Event!

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A Few Great Men! by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Jul 1 2011

Icy Conditions Ahead

The “battle of the sexes” would appear to be alive and thriving in our homes, businesses and communities. I use the term battle loosely as I believe there to be a big misconception about the function and purpose of conflict between men and women.

How Dare You…

Many of the men I coach express frustration at the endless testing they receive from their wives or girlfriends and even become insulted that the tests do not stop. Well, it’s no wonder they are further aggravated to learn from me that the tests are not supposed to stop! Mmmm.

It’s an important re-frame and perspective shift I give men and I feel it would be helpful to clue the ladies in on exactly why we welcome your tests.

Picture a wintry scene with the first snow fall covering the ground and a small pond frozen over at the end of the garden. Your small children excitedly run to try their best figure of eights, but you grab them by the scruff of the neck and urgently yell “Hold on there kids – not so fast!!”

As their paternal protector, you grab the largest stick you can find and hit the surface of the frozen pond to make sure the ice is solid enough to bare the weight of your precious kids. You test the surface several times before you feel confident that it’s safe for them to play. Then, and only then, do you get to enjoy the squeals of joy as they skate their wintry days away.

But, as the advent of Spring draws closer, you sense it’s time to check on that icy surface for fear the conditions may change. So, for the well being and protection of your family’s safety, you look for that stick and continually re-assess the ice, knowing that one day, it may not be safe for them to skate on the pond.

Rite of Safe Passage

Let me ask you men, at any time in our wintry scene does the ice become insulted??
You see, the purpose for testing the ice was to ensure the ongoing safety of the kids.

In the very same way, a woman will continue to test her man to ensure the well being and safety of her relationship and to make sure she is on solid ground with him.

As men, we should be flattered and honored that she looks for us to be her rock, knowing that we are the ones who provide that safety in the relationship. No harm, no foul.

This is merely one of the many ways that conflict strengthens us and brings us closer together. But remember the following:

Ladies – make sure you know why you’re testing him... There’s no snow in summer!

Gents – make sure you pass her tests!

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Icy Conditions Ahead by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Apr 1 2011

Life – Under Construction!

Personal development is like being under construction; make sure to warn your friends and loved ones that debris will be falling!

I remember seeing those apartment buildings in the San Fernando Valley surrounded by wire fences following the aftermath of the 1994 Northridge earthquake, thinking it was such a powerful metaphor for the process we tend to undergo in therapy and coaching.

The shaken tenants had to endure the discomfort and inconvenience of being relocated during retrofitting and reconstruction, in much the same way as we go through the difficulty of being inspected by our coaches, shrinks and sponsors, on admitting our need for help.

Get Ready For Rubble…

Just as the plaster and ornate facades are stripped off the cracked walls and ceilings revealing the brick and dry wall posts beneath, so goes the way of our ego, grandiosity and character flaws into the dumpster!

As many of you know, it’s not pretty…There’s rubble, dirt and muddy puddles everywhere we step and a very high risk of debris falling from above.

Hard Hat Area… Look Up!

This is what I term the Hard Hat Area of self-improvement!
It’s important to forewarn your loved ones and ‘suitors’ that you are likely not to be at your best during reconstruction, since your focus will tend to be self-absorbed and riddled with guilt, shame and introspection.

This is not meant to serve as an excuse to be a lousy spouse or irresponsible, rather a reality check of the unnatural and often messy process of personal
transformation.

Just as the foundation and walls of the buildings felled by the earthquake were strengthened and rebuilt with sturdier structure, so will you learn resilience to the pressures of personal responsibility and continuous relationship tremors!

In the coaching world, reconstruction and reinvention are part and parcel of the work. It should be fast, poignant and empowering. Let’s face it, no one wants to live without a roof for too long. Just make sure your “contractor” is
skilled and has a blueprint for change that matches your vision.

Work In Progress…

Be prepared to be patient and steadfast on your journey of reconstruction.

It’s a little like the Movie Director who excitedly shows his burgeoning new Producer the story boards for his vision of the movie, only to be met with dismay and confusion, as he merely pictures pencil sketches, rather than the visual masterpiece of the eventual finished product.

Remember, the time will soon come when you’ll re-open your heart and your doors to guests and tenants alike,“Under New Management”.

Until then, don your hard hat and look up!

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Life – Under Construction! by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.

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Aug 7 2010

The Art of Negotiation I and II

USC MAAA presents a new 2-part seminar series with Jamie Greene on The Art of Negotiation.

Learn ways to embrace challenges in the workplace and overcome any fears of confrontation and conflict. You will discover the most essential quality of a good negotiator and learn techniques that you can take home with you and implement immediately.

Topics include:

The 10 Basics of Negotiating
Conflict Resolution with Challenging Personalities
Managerial Courage
C-P-R Technology (Context-Purpose-Results)
Managers vs. Leaders

Date: Thursday, August 12th & 19th 2010
Time: 7:00pm -9:00pm
Location: USC Mark Taper Hall (THH) 116

Please call USC MAAA office (213) 740 4735


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Jan 24 2010

Well, Excuse Me!

Were you one of those kids who had to ask to be excused at the dinner table? I bet you’re still looking for permission to be happy, make more money, please your boss and speak your truth. Do yourself a favor… excuse yourself!

It’s tough living in our heads. Self-validation feels so corny and unsatisfying compared to full fledged approval from our friends, family and cohorts. I see so many people seeking approval from those they barely respect or admire and I wonder what on earth motivates them?

If you don’t care for the poor soul you are seeking attention from then at least allow them the right to scowl at you, dislike your fashion sense, hairstyle, recent blog post or updates on Facebook. What’s the worst that could happen? They think you have lousy taste? They wouldn’t choose that halter top from BCBG, let alone put it together with the skirt from DKNY?

We seem to have an acceptable double standard when it comes to taste and style. We reserve the right to reject advances from undesirables, yet obsess with abandon if we don’t get a return email from the ‘hot suitor’ on eHarmony. We ask to be excused as we barge through a fellow shopper or bystander at the mall. Actually we don’t ask, more demand ‘excuse me!’ As if it were a choice.

Yup, it’s all gone horribly wrong, yet it just comes down to risk. There is a certain tedium in plowing through our dilemmas alone, no one to burden with our inner struggles over crucial decisions. If you’re a Libra then you really know what I’m talking about.

I once was on a blind date with a Libra who literally wrestled for 20 minutes over the menu, only to burst into tears 30 seconds after the waitress ran her order over to the kitchen. Another one of my charming snide remarks to her about her culinary assay? Not even close… she just felt awful about ordering the wrong dish! Now that’s no honorable battle, I thought. And so it is with decisions for us all.

Of course we want to do the right thing, make the right move and feel triumphant in our every endeavor, but there is just no substitute for taking risks. How would we ever figure out who we are if we didn’t learn to stand for something. Even a little toddler goes for it when making his first attempts at standing and walking and keeps getting back up after days of toppling. It’s in our genes to persevere, or we would have been wiped out millennia ago.

So, stop cheating the system and thinking you’re going to get away with avoiding the risk of disapproval. If you demand the right to object and disagree with others, (especially my views on these posts) then your antagonists will be coming for you. Be prepared, not scared. There is also a huge bonus waiting for you on the other side of that abyss… liberation!

Imagine the freedom coming your way and the additional reserves of energy you will have available to you, usually tied up in self-torment. But, be forewarned, as you might awaken a sleeping giant once you shatter the shackles of people-pleasing.

So, go ahead… do yourself a favor and excuse yourself!

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Well, Excuse Me! by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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Sep 8 2009

The Money Shot

When editing the movie of your life, it’s much more costly to ‘fix it in post’…
Take the time to go through the tedium of getting the right shot up front
So many of us tend to seek help after the fact. We dispatch emergency teams within moments to put out fires, although it takes months to build fire roads and install sprinkler systems. We marvel that the wedding party seemed to last 5 minutes, yet the planning was the most stressful 6 months imaginable. It took years to build the twin towers and we all watched in horror as they fell to ground zero in seconds.
And so it is with life…
There is an inherent tediousness in acquiring experience, seniority, mastery, graduate degrees, internships and apprenticeships. It takes so much of our time, investment, college funds, student loans, sleepless Red Bull nights, manic episodes and tears of frustration. The failed tests, haunting grades, fluctuating GPA’s, dropped classes, psychotic room mates, lecherous professors, unstable supervisors and evil-eyed co-workers.
It all makes up the grand tapestry of ‘paying our dues’. And boy, do we pay!
I was meeting with one of my more eclectic clients over breakfast as he expressed his ambitious plans for the coming year. I couldn’t help but feel we were caught in one of those surreal movie moments where he’s pitching me the story of his vision for his next movie, “My Aspiring Life” and all I kept wondering was who was going to play the part of the screenwriter who has no script, nor crew or locations, no supporting cast, not even a budding extra jumping up and down in the crowd shot looking to earn his SAG card!
All he came with was a hugely exuberant pitch with a massive budget and grand ideas for distribution. Here’s where Mr Voice of Reason kicks in… But, how are you going to manage achieving these lofty goals for your company with no game plan or structure in place for you to succeed this year? “Oh don’t worry about that” he said, “I’m so excited about my ideas and I know I can get my investors to sign off this time. They really believe in me and trust my wisdom.” Well, let’s say they certainly invested in him that year, to the tune of $200,000 gone awry within 4 months of his spirited pitch. And his script was never turned in, nor a casting session ever held. Quite sad.
For my illustrious client and for many of you reading this, you might relate to these kinds of impulsive schemes to just get things going and worry about the particulars later. We have an abhorrence to the tedium of planning, preparing and plotting in advance of our exciting big plans. Who wants to sit for hours creating budgets and flow-charts or practicing backhand strokes with a ball-hopper when there’s endorphins and the promise of profits, trophies and acclaim beckoning.
Indeed, banal attempts to fix those reality-crushing complications as they unfold are fraught with tail-chasing circuitry and adrenal-draining deflation.
We just may simply lack the discipline and patience that is often necessary to achieve mastery and success. I have noticed like with virtually every one of my clients and students over the years that none of us enjoy being a novice. We want to be masterful. We want to be the expert witness, not serve mandatory jury duty. We want to be an old soul, not a newbie who’s never been around the block. We want tenure, not hazing; respect, not empathy; honor, not momentary attention.
Are we there yet?
Unfortunately, there’s just no substitute for hard work, due diligence and a little ‘elbow grease’ as my Nana Dora would say. We learn in time that a penny saved is a dollar earned. It won’t get you rich quick but it will build a nice modest nest egg.
So take the time to get all your ducks in a row and earn your restful sleep, knowing that the taxes are accounted for, the budget has been met, the kids’ lunch box is filled and the cable bill has been paid.
CUT… PRINT!

When editing the movie of your life, it’s much more costly to ‘fix it in post’… Take the time to go through the tedium of getting the right shot up front.

c

So many of us tend to seek help after the fact. We dispatch emergency teams within moments to put out fires, although it takes months to build fire roads and install sprinkler systems. We marvel that the wedding party seemed to last 5 minutes, yet the planning was the most stressful 6 months imaginable. It took years to build the twin towers and we all watched in horror as they fell to ground zero in seconds.

And so it is with life…

There is an inherent tediousness in acquiring experience, seniority, mastery, graduate degrees, internships and apprenticeships. It takes so much of our time, investment, college funds, student loans, sleepless Red Bull nights, manic episodes and tears of frustration. The failed tests, haunting grades, fluctuating GPA’s, dropped classes, psychotic room mates, lecherous professors, unstable supervisors and evil-eyed co-workers.

Paying Our Dues.

I was meeting with one of my more eclectic clients over breakfast as he expressed his ambitious plans for the coming year. I couldn’t help but feel we were caught in one of those surreal movie moments where he’s pitching me the story of his vision for his next movie, “My Aspiring Life” and all I kept wondering was who was going to play the part of the screenwriter who has no script, nor crew or locations, no supporting cast, not even a budding extra jumping up and down in the crowd shot looking to earn his SAG card!

All he came with was a hugely exuberant pitch, a massive budget and grand ideas for distribution. So, naturally my Voice of Reason kicked in… But, how are you going to manage achieving these lofty goals for your company with no game plan or structure in place for you to succeed this year?

“Oh don’t worry about that” he said, “I’m so excited about my ideas and I know I can get my investors to sign off this time. They really believe in me and trust my wisdom.” Well, let’s say they certainly invested in him that year, to the tune of $200,000 gone awry within 4 months of his spirited pitch. And his script was never turned in, nor a casting session ever held. Quite tragic.

For my illustrious client and for many of you reading this, you might relate to these kinds of impulsive schemes to just get things going and worry about the particulars later.

We have an abhorrence to the tedium of planning, preparing and plotting in advance of our exciting big plans. Who wants to sit for hours creating budgets and flow-charts or practicing backhand strokes with a ball-hopper when there’s endorphins and the promise of profits, trophies and acclaim beckoning.

Indeed, banal attempts to fix those reality-crushing complications as they unfold are fraught with tail-chasing circuitry and adrenal-draining deflation.

We just may simply lack the discipline and patience that is often necessary to achieve mastery and success. I have noticed like with virtually every one of my clients and students over the years that none of us enjoy being a novice. We want to be masterful. We want to be the expert witness, not serve mandatory jury duty. We want to be an old soul, not a newbie who’s never been around the block. We want tenure, not hazing; respect, not empathy; honor, not momentary attention.

Are we there yet?

Unfortunately, there’s just no substitute for hard work, due diligence and a little ‘elbow grease’ as my dad would say. We learn in time that a penny saved is a dollar earned. It won’t get you rich quick but it will build a nice modest nest egg.

So take the time to get all your ducks in a row and earn your restful sleep, knowing that the taxes are accounted for, the budget has been met, the kids’ lunch box is filled and the cable bill has been paid.

CUT… PRINT!

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The Money Shot by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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Apr 11 2009

Fear of Success… Not!

There’s no such thing as fear of success… it’s the fear of failing once you succeed!

Fear sucks. It literally sucks all our ambition, confidence and trust into a black hole we come to know as our self-esteem.

I was once grocery shopping, pleasantly minding my own business when all of a sudden, I noticed an acquaintance standing at the end of the aisle, pondering spaghetti sauces. How intrusive… this is my supermarket! All at once, I found myself darting down the adjacent aisle, hoping not to have been discovered, just to preserve a few more moments of domestic anonymity.

And all the while, an inner bully taunted me with shudders of rejection and intimate panic at the very notion that I might be ‘outed’ in an unscripted vulnerable moment of a real life encounter!

As a clinician I was never clear what self-esteem really meant so I looked it up in my Pocket Oxford and it became clear all at once; derived from the Latin verb, aestimare, it means to estimate or compare. Who knew?

Of course, that’s precisely how we torment ourselves with awful comparisons that evoke feelings of inadequacy, deficiency and deflation!

I soon discovered I was keeping good company… numerous vexed souls who would pour in through my office, declaring their afflictions with the dreaded plague of low self-esteem. It must be in epidemic worldwide proportions by now. I mean, how many friends of yours are blessed with bountifully soaring secure personalities?

It’s as if it’s the world’s worst kept secret… none of us like ourselves that much in the depths of our core!

Horrible. We need to address this and fix it good and proper.

It may be one of the biggest misconceptions I’ve noticed over the years and I hear it from people all the time… “I can’t do it… it’s my fear of success!” Poppycock!! No one really fears success. We crave success, abundance, happiness, wealth, acknowledgment and praise. We yearn for unconditional love and acceptance, to be cherished, adored and flattered. But it’s so terribly awkward and affronting, attempting to negotiate a way past the ominous bully of our self-esteem.

If you believe you are one of the afflicted, it’s likely because you are afraid to take risks and worry about being judged or rejected if you fail. Well, guess what? No matter how much you strive for perfection and flawless eminence, there is always going to be someone out there who thinks you’re a shmuck!

There’s something deceptively comforting about our familiar failings. In fact, many of us would rather maintain this fruitless routine of fraternizing with the bully of low self-esteemville than risk confronting him head on and chasing him out of town!

We want to succeed, we just can’t bear the thought of having all that success slip away again, once we finally make it! (Read that again)

So, what’s the risk of confronting this bully disguised as the fear of success? He might make his perennial return to intimidate you again and again. Yet, it’s always in our control to be the root of our own success and failings. No one to blame or avoid, no one to rescue us from the black hole of despondency; not even a search party looking for us. Ouch!

There’s a legacy of success story after success story that teaches us indispensable wisdom that only through repeated failures can one truly derive enduring success.

So it comes down to this…

Pick yourself up; dust yourself off; get back on the saddle; up from the count; head down, chin up and chase that bully right out of town, (or at least down the next aisle).

Oh, and run to greet any unforeseen shopping buddies!

 

 

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Fear of Success…Not! by Jamie Greene is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.

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